Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
