Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
