Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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