I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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