how can u be prego again
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
