she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
