I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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