dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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