you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
