Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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