Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
