My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
