maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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