Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
