fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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