im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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