I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
