During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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