He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
