Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
