it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
