Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
