Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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