My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
