Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
