We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
