so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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