why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
