and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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