you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
