What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
