oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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