Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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