So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
