Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
