I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
