Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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