don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
