does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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