Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
