do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
