The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was CRYING into my vagina
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
