I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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