Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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