hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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