What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
