I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
