My hair reeks of homosexuality.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
