Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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