Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize