I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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