i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
