Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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