Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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