Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
