Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wish my penis had a tongue
Acid is not a monday night drug
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
