Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
