okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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