Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
